Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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