i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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