need another drink. this is the easiest way
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
