I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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