This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
