He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
babies were throwing up all over the place
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
