walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
