I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
