They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
