What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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