Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
