just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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