She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
