there were more penises there than on chat roulette
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
