If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
