I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
