apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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