eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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