i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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