I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
