You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
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Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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