so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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