i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
