keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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