Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
