remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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