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i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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