I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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