Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
