Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
