...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Bang-toberfest begins!!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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