I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
