btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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