His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
