My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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