Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
