So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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