Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
