I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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