Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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