I heard we made out
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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