Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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