My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
