just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
