Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
