Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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