he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My life is pants optional.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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