The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
