im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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