I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
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