guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
