he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm passing your future prison.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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