Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
