I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
