Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Enjoy the penises
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
