I wanna bring you to show and tell
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
