i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just found a bag of teeth...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
