"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
