my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so that wasnt chicken after all
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
