I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
