And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
