when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
