Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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