Apparently you make a good broom.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
