I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
