So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
