Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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