It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
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Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
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As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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