I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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