Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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