also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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