Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize