he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
