If that was your dad, he is hot
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
