That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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