Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
